REALLY. I just need to cancel this account.

I don't ever write on the thing, I visit it once every 2 months if at all.

I am now also published on Tumblr, and you can read my thoughts, rants and raves on BlogSpot!


Truth be told, I do not write on my Xanga as faithfully as I probably should.  But then again, I don't like to update the entire electronic world about what goes on in my life.  I was more faithful as a middleschool/highschool student, than I ever will be as a 20something year old. 

Anyway, of course, the early-life crisis is still in full force.  By this, I mean, I have no idea what I want to do with my life.  I am a Public Health major with absolutely no direction.  It's not what I want to do, per se, it circles around it, but not quite exactly like it.  If you know what I mean... I think I've narrowed it down to becoming either a veterinarian or a pharmacist. I believe I'm kissing my law degree goodbye, given the current economy and the impossibility of job opportunities in this field.

Anyway... I need to say this, and I have to do so without offending anyone.

I have never been a public girlfriend. I don't believe in public displays of affection or shouting to the world and rooftops with professions of love and devotion to my boyfriend.  I'm certainly not about to start now.  I just find it funny how so many people out there dedicate their whole lives to telling the world they love their better/lesser half.  Is this what life has come to? That your love is not valid until you've broadcasted it on Tumblr, Twitter or Facebook?  That you're not "officially" in a relationship unless you declare yourself as such on Facebook?

It's funny, I had a conversation with a friend recently.  She's been with her boyfriend for many years, and they are happy with each other.  They are content and have even begun discussing marriage.  She removed her relationship on facebook, and she got a flood of nosiness (disguised, of course, as concern) and she was forced to put the relationship back on.  What in hell is going on people!? Really, is this what we have reduced ourselves to?  As slaves of technology, we have to broadast our love lives and declare to the world that he/she is mine?

Now I am one to always speak out about possession and being objectified.  Therefore, I must say this.  I will have no man or friend or acquaintance startle me into putting "in a relationship" in social contact sites just because they're assholes who can't mind their own business.

Speaking of which, I once had a friend who was mad that I stayed single on MySpace and Facebook.  She thought it was unfair to my boyfriend that I declared myself single.  First of all, it's none of anyone's business and if my boyfriend doesn't care, then she shouldn't care either.

So that's all folks.  Had to get it out of my chest.  The same can be said about people who read into away messages.  Your lives have to be that meaningless for you to start trying to find subliminal messaging in my blogs, away messages and facebook/twitter status.

Contrary to popular belief, I am no ice queen. I've always been the first to say I'm a bad girl with the heart of gold. Based on conversations with friends I've met over the years, outwardly, I look like a spoiled, rich, stuck-up bitch.  There has always been more to me than meets the eye.  I want nothing more than to make a difference in someone's life.  And that's a truth that I've known since I was young.

There is nothing sadder in life than having the ability to help--to make a difference--and doing nothing about it.  I'm 21 years old, I'm perfectly capable of working hard and reaping the results of that hardwork.  But what about those less fortunate than me? Don't they deserve a chance too?

Granted, there are those who choose to be lazy and useless and enter into the welfare program without a care in the world.  I will be the first to admit that I hate those people with all my heart.  They reap the benefits of my tax dollars and demand the world from me.  I think they do not deserve anything.  But what about those who truly need our help?

I'm talking about the children and the families that have lost their homes and their lives due to bad circumstances.  Those that have lost their parents to wars and prison, the ones that have been abused and neglected, the ones that have lost everything because of the economical decline in the United States.

I have lost sight of that dream, but it's time to get it back. I thought today about what I want to do with my life, and I want to make a difference, however small it may be.  This summer, I promise to make that difference. I want to volunteer my time to someone less fortunate than myself. I promise not to work too hard, and to enjoy my life and share it with someone who deserves to be treated well--to be given love.

The Big Sister Program of New Jersey mentoring program is probably my first choice.  It will give me an opportunity, not only to get to know someone but to make a difference in the life of a child.  Originally, my plan was to go to South America (again) and volunteer my time there, but since my mom objects (because of safety reasons--things aren't the same as they were when I was 16 apparently...) I am forced to find something within the continental US.  It is not something that I dreamed I would do, but that is enough for now.

I have big dreams for myself, that much I know is true.  But it is also true that probably the most gratifying experience for me will always be helping others.